So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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