Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
