Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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