Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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