Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
