wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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