im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
