i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
