I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
