I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
