I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
