i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
