I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Everything about him screamed your future.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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