honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just had sex bonerless
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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