I am puke
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
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please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
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His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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