i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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