my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
