well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
