What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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