I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
