Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
