all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
