I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
