i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
