The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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