Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
