Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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