i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
