Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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