Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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