do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
