there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
