He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
