U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
