Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
