i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I cut my penus on the lid.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
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I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
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I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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