Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
