remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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