apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
What drink are we having for lunch?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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