found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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