its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
