I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
