The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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