Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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