forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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