At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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