He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
