How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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