Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You did what with his pubic hair?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
