i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
