i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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