Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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