Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
