strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
