he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize