Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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