Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
