Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The power of my boobs compel you
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
