I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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