No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
