now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
