i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
