just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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