I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
