Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
