I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I want a musical about memes.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
