nut hugger
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
