After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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