I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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