So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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