it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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