Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i dont even know how to be here
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
