My room smells like vodka and shame
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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