i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
