just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I came so hard my ears popped.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
