I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
So many bounce houses so little time
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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