my vag is so smooth its legendary
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
