im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
