At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
