Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
