I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
