I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
