I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
false alarm, still single
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