She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
